It's Officially Official, Sort Of
Posted by Lindsey , Sunday, June 6, 2010 10:51 PM
I am leaving Korea, that is definite. What will happen from there is a bit murky, but I have an email agreement with my former landlord that I will move into my old building in LA come September. This leaves me with anxiety and excitement, sadness and elation. Now that I really think about leaving I feel like crying a bit, but I know that the future is always bright, for everyone who still has a pulse so it won't be bad. Change is always scary, I just have to learn to deal with it better. I am a chronic worrier so that doesn't help.
I just don't really know what's next, I try to make plans but they often fall short or behind me. I know that if I have the money I plan to save when I go home, I should be fine without a job for at least 2 months, if not 3 and I know I can get a tutoring or subbing gig fairly easily. It's just really hard to wrap my head around paying rent, expensive rent and not having the (often) excessive lifestyle I enjoy now. It is stupid and selfish, but life here is so easy and free. It is not reality, it is really enjoying your youth and I like that. I'm still a crotchety old lady, but I think I'm a bit better at playing the young game since I've been here.
So my immediate plans are to get through these next few painful weeks at school (endless lesson plans, an open house, ridiculous big test, and even more ridiculous progress reports), enjoy what I can of Seoul and Korea by being a tourist, and get the hell out of dodge. And not just in any way, but by doing the thing I love the most, traveling and exploring. This time back to Indonesia and 2 new places: Thailand and Cambodia. This is when I will really want time to move slow, I want to enjoy it and not rush it. I want to really feel that salty ocean water, even if I'm swallowing it down. I want to relish the sun, the food, the hot boys. I know it will be amazing, but then I have to get back to that reality I'm so worried about. This next year has to be about me finishing school, achieving my M.A. Ed. and maybe even getting a bit of experience in.
Then I want to let go and leave again...I don't want to live in the United States really for too long and that's all there is to it. Reading the news this last year just leaves me depressed. Between the oil spills, tea-baggers, gay marriage still not being legal...I don't want to be a part of it right now and I'm not sure when I really will be ready for it. I know other countries have their problems, but I'm always more on the outside of it then really in it. I don't feel liable if I'm not there. So one year and out, I think I can do it. I can make it happen...
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